| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2006|11:54 am] |
Well I went to Tampa Friday. My mother is in the hospital she has been for a week. She keeps loosing feeling in her legs and sometimes her arms. Sounds like fun right? They finally figured out something Friday, she has some kinda tumor of blood vessels at her brain. Its scary but non cancerish.
In other news…I have to freaking out next weekend…I feel the NEED for drinking and socializing. I know I had surgery two weeks ago and that made me sorta out of it, now I’m in Tampa but I’m DYING to go out and have some fun.
In other news I guess I’m officially dating someone…scary. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2006|11:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
Ahhhhhhhhhhh..
I need to scream..badly..maybe just drive a while and scream at the top of my lungs. I cant tell if my sadness is real or just hormonal. Either way I guess its some what real. Sadness seems like the wrong word to use. But tears keep coming to my eyes. I think maybe it is hormones. I am having some bleeding..I cant tell if its from the surgery or maybe I’m starting a period. Period would explain the crazy feelings. I dunno. Im sorta interested to know what my first period will be like after the healing is done. It should be less painful.
The surgery went fine I guess. I didn’t like the fact that doctor didn’t talk to me after and when I asked a nurse what all happened she couldn’t find any notes. So I just said I would ask my mother. She came in the room told me that they removed all the endometriosis which left a moderate amount of damage on my ovary. I may or may not have posted that they thought the pain I’ve been having was a hernia, turned out I had 3 hernia’s. I apparently was born with them. Two on the right and one on the left. The biggest was the size of a golf ball. The patches inside seem to press on my bladder but that should get better. I had to go to the dr because one of incision sites, the one in my belly button looked a lil bad. When I was there the nurse practitioner told me all the other surgeries they did inside of me…blah… Endometriosis removed, 3 hernias repaired, one small cyst that apparently I was born with was removed and a BIG BIG cyst removed, some extra crap growing removed…the extra crap is apparently some finger jelly type stuff that grabs your eggs as they are released..anyways..i had some growing some place it shouldn’t, and they opened up one of my tubes that was 80% blocked…and one last thing..I have the ovaries of an older lady. Small basicly..and getting smaller. The nurse looked at me and asked if was planning on having children soon or if I thought I should talk it over with my partner. When I told her NO she said she would talk to me about it on the 2nd. Blah..
Kids only the thing I’ve wanted most in life..im scared…so scared….but I guess on the 2nd Ill find out exactly what im facing. My mother wants me to have kids now..as if that’s something I can just do. I suppose I can throw the kid in the laundry room, paint it pink or blue and hope it doesn’t crawl in the dryer. Okay I’m kidding :) But Its just not something I wanna think about right now.
On the bright side I went on a date with someone. I guess it was a date. It went fairly well. My heart feels just broken inside. Its been years and the pain still hurts so bad. I know its time to move on. Seems odd before I couldn’t imagine being alone for so long, now I cant imagine having someone new around. I just want to let go, not worry about getting hurt, being hurt or hurting anyone. I just want to do what makes me happy now and not worry about the future. I guess if he can let go I should be able to too.
Ahh okay..I was hoping after typing all this I could focus but I still have trouble. I have to get caught up in my school work. Its not super super far behind so it shouldn’t be too hard. I just have to focus.
Blah blah blah…I do infact feel a lil better…thank god…I used to hate writing..some how it seems to help now. |
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| OMG |
[Sep. 26th, 2006|11:21 am] |
There is a reason why I work...
On my TV there are two angry men yelling on court TV because they made a bet that whoever lost the most weight in 4 months the other one would give that person 5 bucks for every 5 lbs lost...WTF
WHO THE FUCK CARES.
WHO GOES TO COURT OVER THIS?? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2006|04:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
I’m alive :) They think they got rid of the endometriosis and patched 3 hernias…odd they said the hernias happened naturally..I think when I’m better ill have a drink to wish them never to come back haha.
Thanks to everyone who called and sent msgs to me. It meant a LOT to know people care! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|01:28 am] |
I would just like to say…FUCKING AWSOME :) tonight was exactly what I needed… I haven’t been this happy in months…everything EVERYTHING was perfect…
Thanks for everyone who was out tonight..Yall rocked..
Yay :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2006|12:56 pm] |
So...lota drinking and lotsa climbing through windows ='s a very sore Brandy..
someone come save me hehe |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2006|06:10 am] |
My brain hurts...
drama
drama
drama
:) :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 14th, 2006|06:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bubbling fish tanks | ] |
AHh i need a kick start today...I need to leave my house in 8mins to make it to work by 8:30am. I still havent showered. My dr called me in some Darvocet (sp) for my pain yesterday. Ekk it made me way cracked out. They had given me loritab before that but it juts made me sick. I think the darvocet has me still a lil tired. Most meds effect me so damn strongly. oh well. Tmrw i get to sleep in a lil. I only work a half day b/c of preop appointments. I dont have to be out to memorial till 9am. Normally i have to be at work on fridays at 7:30am. So thats good :) yay..even if im going to be poked and umm poked some more hehe.
I have to get my room and house for the matter cleaned my mother is coming into town next weekend...i have the worst trouble getting things organized. I have more stuff than I have space. My mothers not a neat freak i just want things to look nice when shes here. I MAY stay home friday night to get ahead on school work and to clean, plus i assume that a handful of my friends have other plans. Not sure yet Its not likely ill be good at making myself stay home lol...I seem to be good at finding some kinda trouble to get into lately..
Well now i have 2 mins to get ready..I best go :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2006|07:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | me first and the gimme gimmes | ] |
SO…eveyrone keeps asking me about my surgery. I guess I never explained…I have endometriosis well more accurately they are fairly sure I have it. The only real way to diagnose it is to open you up BUT that’s also how they treat it. So hopefully they will be opening me up and cleaning out all the extra tissues or whatever. That’s all fine I guess, I mean I’m scared. It makes you not be able to have kids and it causes A LOT of pain around that time of month. My real problem though is the pain I’ve been in for the last month or so. I’ve been having really really bad pain near my right ovary. They haven’t been able to figure out what’s wrong. I have had several MRI’s, sonograms, test blah blah. All they keep showing are the cysts on the left ovary. I guess they gave up with tests. While they have me open for the endometriosis they are going to be looking around to find out what the cause my major pain. Some days the pain isn’t so bad..some days like today it feels unbearable. Anways..my surgery is the 22nd. I’m ready for it to be over with. I’m counting on it getting rid of my pain and my crazy hormonal problems I’ve been having lately. Enough of that crap :)
I’m bored…I have school work I should be doing..but rambling seems like more fun hehe
My mother called me yesterday. Apparently she had been in the hospital since Saturday. I had called her this weekend but she didn’t answer. I thought nothing of it. We talk all the time during the week, but not so much on the weekends. Anways…her blood level was about half of what its supposed to be. They are increasing her iron and are supposed to send her home tmrw. I worry about her living alone sometimes. At least she close friends though. I was really worried but I think she’s going to be okay.
Life sure has been nuts and stressful lately. But I think..I hope..things will get better soon :) I am trying to stay positive.
Last weekend pretty much sucked..minus a few good parts. This Friday ended bad for me BUT Saturday was cool and Sunday..Sunday was good. Actually for a few mins in the movie theater I was truly 100% happy. I forgot about all the things I’ve been stressing about and just enjoyed myself. That rocked. I cant wait to get back to having more of those moments..even hours hehe.
I guess im tired of rambling now..yay :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2006|03:46 am] |
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I guess..I guess I’m not going to be truly able to get back to being me until after this surgery. I just hope I have friends left by then. Being this sad all the time is killing. I always said I wouldn’t live with regrets about anything, but I’m starting to understand what regret truly feels like. I need some friends more than anything right now. Being alone and in pain seems to be the worst. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|06:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
Another week with pain starts…well another work week starts today for me. Its gloomy outside and going into the seconded week of school and I have a ton of reading I’m behind on but you know what…I have hope for this week. If I can buckle down at work and keep my head buried in paper work I might be able to get through my in box. Which has some how become two in boxes. Lol. My chapters for school seem rather short all though boring. But I can make it through. Bills are really killing me but I think I MAY have a plan, of course it involves robbing Peter to pay Paul but it must be done. Once I am caught up it shouldn’t be an issue to pay anything. I make enough to pay most my bills LOL but I will be missing a week of work for my surgery. I’ve never wanted surgery so bad…I’m terrified but waking up in pain, not being able to focus on anything and the constant worry they will find something horrible when they open me up is enough to make me want it all over with. The person I have been the last month or so just doesn’t feel like me. I wouldn’t say I am always the happiest person..not by far BUT this always being so sad..its kill me. I want it over with NOW. I think I am fighting a battle with my hormones which is related to the reason I’m having surgery. This is prolly the scariest time in my life added to being alone. I guess that’s what has me so down most the time. I’ve never been alone this long. Which is my own fault. I am sure I have turned down some great guys out there for this reason or that. But I think in the long run its for the best. My heart still seems broken. But I’m sure that will get better. Blah blah. :) I know I’m rambling but I think I needed to. It helps clear my head. Well, YAY its time to get out there in OP traffic hehe.
Btw thanks to everyone who helped me make it through this last weekend. Ya’ll are the best. Well most the time :-P |
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| Not sound all nuts and shit..but umm |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|11:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
I am going to die...and its all my fault Blah...way to go Brandy
**edit, okay im not going to die. But I am rather sad...blah blah blah**
The End...thanks and have a good night! |
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| My poor Nellie :( |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|09:59 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | car | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
This makes Brandy very very sad...
Before:
After:
Someone hit my car while it was parked at my mothers apt. Sucks...I cant even figure out what they hit me with. |
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| Life..today..hehe |
[Jun. 11th, 2006|10:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
So.. a post..Sometimes it feels good to write…or should I say ramble…
Work has been super stressful, most of yall who talk to me a lot know I love my job. How wonderful is that..to be able to say you love your job. BUT lately its been 100% hell because of some changes in procedures..but things are getting better again. YAY work lol.
School, well I HATE school…seriously, I want to be well educated..but what have I learned so far..not a damn thing..sure.. I honestly think I’m getting out of it exactly what I m putting in it lol..Ive made good grades..sept one class, which I’m retaking right now…let me not forget to mention that I may not have made such good grades last semester without some help..thanks! Anyways..still not sure why I’m in school…business degree seems easiest..i don’t mean easiest to obtain, I mean easiest to fit into anything. I have always wanted to own my own company..even though I don’t know what kinda company (not sure there is anything I’ve ever made up my mind on, in any part of my life LOL) Actually I am leaning towards teaching, elementary school..maybe 2nd grade..not sure. I am shy..so its kinda hard to teach AND be shy.
Love, Blah… lets skip this part for now.
Friends..AHHHH I love you guys..all of you..even the ones that seem to want me to be dead hahhaha… okay. hopefully nooone wants me dead..things are sorta stressful on some ends right now..they will get better…I hope
BTW never move to orange park..i’m bored….scratch that..everyone..move to orange park and visit brandy!
One last thing…..
Cooper wrote and said that the sentence they gave him..which was 30 months (3 years) mandatory..which means no early release and he didn’t get the time he severed while in jail..for MILLIONS of months..lol actually I think it was 6 months..not sure..i didn’t count them…anyways..they told him the other day that the sentence was wrong, they cant give you mandatory time on drug charges..so he only has to serve 85% of his time..this all basically means..instead of getting out in 05/??/2008 he will be eligible to get out on 11/??/2007. Seems a lot better..and apparently he will be eligible for work release at the end of this year…Good news for him..and his family..they need him..badly right now. Not to say that we all don’t miss him..but his mother isn’t doing well.
Yay know..life is crazy….that doesn’t mean its bad….just crazy It keeps you on your toes that’s for sure!! |
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bunnynicula's journal
